Episode #51 | Cancer Recovery Mindset, Heartset and Smiles
For most, cancer is a scary word to hear. It’s an illness that many don’t like to talk about but it’s a reality for so many people in the world. One of those people is Warsha Joshi, host and guest all in one in today’s podcast. Warsha was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer for the third time in her life.
Warsha chooses to view her “situation” in a very different light to most. Listen to her coffee chat conversation with Amanda Schulte, her long-time friend, and colleague in Dare To Scale, as they open up the dialogue around cancer.
Tune in to Warsha’s conversation with Amanda and learn:
- Why Warsha chooses to use the word “situation” to describe what she’s currently going through.
- It’s time to normalize talking about dealing with cancer.
- Why there is so much power in a smile.
- There’s nothing wrong with looking after yourself first.
- The reason having a support system is crucial.
- The bravest word you could ever say is “Help”
- How Warsha can talk about cancer without feeling any anger, remorse, fear, or bitterness.
“The energy that you give off to the people that you surround yourself with is going to make all the difference.” – Warsha Joshi
“Surrounding yourself with that strong community, that strong circle around you of people that not only do you know and trust, but also are going to be able to bounce energy off. That’s important that you, those people that are in your inner circle, feel the way that you do about your situation. Because not everybody does.” – Warsha Joshi
“The sooner we look at a situation for what it is, the better control we have over it. Just say it the way it is rather than hiding it and covering it and then we just delaying the process.” – Warsha Joshi
“As humans, we are incredibly resourceful. We are at our creative best when sometimes we feel our backs are against the wall because we have it in us to come out fighting, because that’s who we are. We look after ourselves first. And there’s nothing wrong with looking after yourself first.” – Warsha Joshi
“Regardless of what you’re going through, whether it’s something physical or emotional. If you don’t love and respect yourself, it’s, it’s quite a cliche thing. And yet, it is absolutely true. If you don’t love and respect yourself, then how can you expect anybody else to do it for you?” – Amanda Schulte
Connect with Amanda Schulte on Linkedin – https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanda-schulte-60483b15a/
EP51 – Cancer Recovery Mindset, Heartset and Smiles
Warsha Joshi 00:00
As humans, we are incredibly resourceful. We are at our creative best when sometimes we feel our backs are against the wall, because we have it in us to come out fighting, because that’s who we are.
Evan Le Clus 00:12
Hello, you are listening to the Dare to Scale show with me, Evan
Warsha Joshi 00:15
And me Warsha. This show is about all things scaling, scaling your business, your journey. And you.
Evan Le Clus 00:25
You are here because you dare to dream, dare to dream big. So sit back and enjoy the conversation, or perhaps even join in.
Warsha Joshi 00:39
Hello, and welcome to a very different episode, from what you’ve been used to hearing on here on the Dare to Scale show. Today is a coffee chat, is a conversation between two friends.
The friend I’m talking about is Amanda. Amanda Schulte, has been my friend, my colleague, friend, philosopher guide, and we love our coffee chats over the years, close to what 10 years now that we’ve known each other, she’s become a very, very dear friend, not just to me, but to Evan as well. And we watched her daughter grow up in front of our eyes. It’s just it’s a it’s a wonderful connection.
And today’s chat is just something that I could not have had with anyone else. And it’s such a huge privilege to me that Amanda said, let’s talk and let’s have coffee. And it’s a virtual coffee, I have to say, because we haven’t had the chance to sit down and have coffee for a while now. And I thought well, how about that?
Let’s have coffee. And let’s record this, because let’s make the world privy to our conversation. It’s a very special conversation. And it gives me a huge honor to introduce to you my friend, Amanda.
Amanda Schulte 02:07
Hi. Hi. Thank you so much for that amazing introduction. As you said, we’ve known each other a very long time, we have an interesting relationship, great dynamics, we are friends first and foremost, even though we met more as colleagues, I think our friendship definitely has over the years overrides any other relationship that we have with regards to work. But yeah, I mean, you’re right, we’ve known each other for such a long time. And we have sat down in many different locations across Dubai, and had a coffee or two and some random chats and laughs And yeah, let’s do this virtually like you said that. Yeah. Everyone else hear what we have to say.
Warsha Joshi 02:49
Exactly. And particularly because we have an interesting topic to talk about today.
Amanda Schulte 02:55
We definitely do.
Warsha Joshi 02:57
Thank you for starting that conversation, Amanda,
Amanda Schulte 03:01
No problems at all. I think it’s a topic that is an often shied away from. And it’s great that you have the the ability to talk about in the way that you do. And I give all my respect all day, every day to your Warsha for for handling your situation the way that you are and the way that you’re putting it out there, to the room and to the community that are close to you and then out out into the world. Not everybody can do that.
So let’s start with your situation. Okay, you do refer to it as a situation. Tell me tell me more about that. Why do you choose those words over everything else? To describe what you’re going through?
Warsha Joshi 03:41
Situation? Yeah, why situation to explain in brief what the situation is, for those who haven’t watched my videos that I’ve been talking about and putting out there. So situation is for the third time in my life, I’ve been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. And I’m going through treatment. And for those watching the videos, go pick up some of my videos, and you will know what people who are watching this video will know that I’m already undergoing my treatment big.
And this was all this happened a few months ago, in early May, to be exact, early May 2022. Now, it took me a while to as it does for a lot of people to you know, get your ducks in a row. Go see all the right doctors get all the right treatment, the test done and just so a treatment plan can be put together. And in my own way, I started putting together a core group of people who I trust and I know they will be there with me with a smile on their faces. And while all this was happening, there was something becoming really clear to me that morning when I said to Evan, how that we need to go to the hospital now.
I somewhere knew what to expect. And I went there fully prepared. And it was so strange. And now I think back and other goodness, that was an interesting day. Because I was completely in charge of that situation that day, we went into the emergency room. And I was literally calling the shots. And I said, why need this test done this test, and I’ve come prepared for this. And I needed them now, because I know what’s happening. And I was not surprised or shocked, or anything as the tests were done. And as I was being told, in fact, I was literally breathing down the neck of the doctor in charge that day to say, well, how do you still not happen? The results? Because that should be it to show me can you call? Can you call? I’m gonna wait.
Amanda Schulte 05:50
And I think anybody that knows you knows that exactly how you handled that situation?
Warsha Joshi 05:56
What are you waiting for? I already know, just tell me tell me that it is because all I wanted was to gather information so we can move on to the next step. And I already knew what the next step is. And we had such an interesting conversation. And I have to say, even from that day, that doctor is still a wonderful friend. And it was because he kept looking at me as like, what?
Yes, yes, I see. No, just just talk to me, tell me, let’s go. But the one thing that became really clear over the next few hours to me was, I was not upset. I was not shocked. I was not sad. I was not angry. I was not grieving, I was none of that.
If there was one thing that I was, and I continue to be even today is look at it as a situation that needs managing and handled. That’s it. Yep. And I’ve had one that’s actually really good. Because not only is that keeping me in charge of that situation, now. It’s also helping people around me, namely, on that day, the only person around me was ever my husband who had no idea what was happening. And he had never obviously, thankfully, never been in that situation where he even had to handle all this.
He had no idea what to expect. And what happens next in this information. And I thought, well, this is a good thing, because now I am now managing the situation. So that took emotion out of how to handle the space. And I thought what this is a good thing, because I’m going to call it a situation because the minute if I call it something else, we’re naturally people tend to we all humans, we tend to tend to play some sort of words like, Oh, it’s a challenge. It’s a problem or sad event in my life. Oh, now this has happened to me
Amanda Schulte 07:53
Some negativity is attached to it
Warsha Joshi 07:55
And that takes away the ability to think clearly. And to handle this as a situation, because everything is a face. And from that day on. What that’s what this is, this is a situation.
Amanda Schulte 08:09
I completely agree with you. And I think that’s how you and I are quite similar. Warsha, I love, respect that. I’m a very logical thinker, very task orientated person. So for me, regardless of what situation it is, personal or professional, I’m always thinking, Okay, what next, I gathered the facts. This is what’s going on? What do I do next? What do I do next?
And that’s just how my brain works as well. So I totally understand how you’re handling the situation and why you are even calling it that in the first case, because that’s what it is.
You are not your situation, your situation, isn’t you? There are two separate things that say that again, you are not your situation and your situation is not you that two separate entities.
Absolutely brilliant if you choose to handle the situation in isolation, and just as a list of tasks, what to do next. And when is it coming up? Yeah, then it’s exactly that it’s a situation that has a phase it has a start and end.
And indeed, I completely feel you. I understand how you’re handling events. And I think more people could learn a lot and could really take a leaf out of of your thoughts and our conversation today. Because obviously, this is something that millions of people across the planet are dealing with every single day. And just talking about it in this way and not shying away from it and not giving it any kind of label other than Yeah, it is. Yeah. I think a lot of people will learn from that.
Warsha Joshi 09:38
It’s time to normalize this. It’s time to normalize this because it’s no longer a rarity. Like you said there are millions of people going through this and it’s time to normalize this and say, even though whatever the situation is, there is still avenues there is still a possibility there’s always a possibility even If it is, literally for an hour a day or a minute a day to feel happy and normal and energetic.
Absolutely. And we must celebrate those moments and to normalize this. Yeah. And you will, you’ll hear me say this a lot, because that’s what this is. That’s what I’m looking to do. Yeah, we’re not looking for. So how long is the treatment? Or what’s the prognosis? You know what? All of us, all of us put ourselves every single person on this earth put ourselves in a spot where tomorrow we could be hit by a bus? Do we go looking for prognosis? No, we don’t we get
Amanda Schulte 10:40
It would be very exhausting. If we’re doing exactly. So why
Warsha Joshi 10:43
then waste our time and energy into worrying about something that, who cares? All that matters is today?
Amanda Schulte 10:53
Yeah. For all of us, regardless of what we’re going through, because all we have is today, yesterday is gone. Tomorrow, we didn’t get it. So we really only have today today. Yeah. And to make the choice, what are we going to do today? And how are we going to live today? And what are we? What energy? Are we giving out? What energy are we receiving? And yeah, I’m definitely from the school of thought that with any illness, your mindset and your outlook and your energy that you give off?
Yeah, you’re halfway there. already. And regardless of what treatment you may be, we may be taking your mental being and your your strength is how you are in your, in your mind. It counts for an awful lot. And I’m definitely from that school of thought. And that’s why I remember the morning that we had the conversation washer, the story that you just told of you going to the hospital, I think it was over the weekend. And then we had a conversation at the start of that week. And migraine My first thoughts were okay, so what now? Yeah. I, I’ve taken on your news. Yeah, yes, I’m seeing all sorts of things. And later, I’ll probably process those those feelings. But right now it’s okay, what now? What next? What do we do now? And, and one thing that I am 100% certain of then, and today is that your outlook is going to the energy that you give off the people that you surround yourself with, is going to make all the difference? And
Warsha Joshi 12:32
Amanda Schulte 12:34
Yeah. Yeah. It’s it’s so important with, like you said, surrounding yourself with that strong community, that strong circle around your people that not only you know, and trust, but people that you know, are going to, you can bounce energy off. Yeah. And that’s really important that you, those people that are in your inner circle, feel the way that you do about your situation? Because not everybody does.
Warsha Joshi 13:00
Now, not everybody does. And, and one of the things that I was very conscious about unconsciously making a decision on who I’m saying yes to, to come in within my circle. And I still do that. Because it’s natural for people around around me around anybody in this situation, and to have friends who are friends or family or whoever to deal with this in their own way. And for some, they deal with maybe anger on my behalf, or sadness on my behalf.
And the one thing that I said was that, know that with all the love and respect in the world, that’s not what is going to help anybody in this situation. So don’t be angry, don’t, don’t be angry on but don’t have those emotions out there on my behalf. Because that’s not useful. And I definitely agree. I’m very much from the school of thought where you think being angry or sad or regretful or whatever, those things don’t actually help. They’re not productive towards putting a smile on people’s faces.
So why would you even say things like that? And I don’t like and that’s just me. It is that’s my way of saying No, and that’s not how I live life anyway, so I don’t I don’t prescribe to hashtags or words like Oh, kick cancer or cancer or whatever. I think well, why? It’s no. I don’t like words like that. Everything to me around us is a is an energy. Yeah, everything has its place. Everything has its place. And very early on, I had said this to a couple of people. And I thought Why should probably stop saying this? Because the looks I’m getting
Amanda Schulte 15:12
back. And that’s
Warsha Joshi 15:14
something for me to take, like, maybe I should just say it
Amanda Schulte 15:18
Warsha Joshi 15:19
So my point on that, in the early days was, we have the power to manifest, whatever it is. And if we say that we have the power to manifest all the good things, somewhere, we have manifested this as well. And that first reaction was, oh, no, I don’t believe that. We we voluntarily voluntarily manifest something like this. And then of course, not only go about and say, today, I’m going to manifest something amazing in my life.
No, we don’t we just get about life. We just don’t realize what energy we surround ourselves with. What energy do we hold within ourselves? And we don’t really know the answer to anything. Why do we catch a cold? When I know someone sneezes, maybe we got to call? Why does cancer appear? We don’t know. I’m sure there’s a ton of medical research going on. But that’s not what I’m talking about here. Yeah. So I very much very early on prescribe to the thought that you know what, if that has happened, I also have the energy, I have it in me to now make a difference and positive difference for whatever for curing myself or healing myself out of this and any number of ways to do this.
So I was being very choosy about who I and what energy I let in. Yeah, that’s very important for me. Because that doesn’t help anyone. And it certainly wasn’t going to help me. There’s something I want to tell you. And I know I’ve told you this. Maybe I have maybe I haven’t. I’m sure I have found me anyway. So in early days, that is that is something that I adopted as a routine. It was pretty random the first time about what I said it without thinking. And you know, sometimes we just we just say things. And so this was very early in the morning, I woke up, brush my teeth, and I have a makeup mirror next to the sink. And I looked at myself, and this is something I’ve been doing anyway, I look at myself every morning, I think I really am good looking. And I love it. Because I love how I look, it doesn’t matter.
That particular day, I added something to that sentence. I looked at myself and I gave a huge smile. And I’ve got I do have a wonderful smile. And that’s my today is going to make today exactly how I want it to be. And I want it to be filled with this smile. And that’s every single day even today, I look at myself in the mirror and say today is going to be exactly how I want it to be. Because how today is how I look at today is what will influence tomorrow. Because does it matter what happened yesterday? No, it doesn’t.
Amanda Schulte 18:13
You can’t change it anyway.
Warsha Joshi 18:15
I don’t even look back and you know me, Amanda, I’m very much the let’s look ahead kind of person. I mean, I don’t look at yesterday and cry about it. Because you know what? There’s nothing to cry about. Yeah. So that’s my first thing that I adopted, I say really cool. Yeah.
Amanda Schulte 18:31
I think there’s so much power in a smile. And if you look at a baby’s that’s it’s one of the first things that they do. And you know, there’s always this discussion in the early days. Oh, you know, he has wind or whatever. Okay, maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t I don’t know, general the baby. But it definitely smiling is one of the first things that they do and how do they do that? They just mimicking what you do to them is nobody looks at a baby and doesn’t smile, unless it’s three o’clock in the morning. And they’ve been trying for the past two hours and maybe not. But generally, when you see one that’s you know, not crying and then generally quite cute. People smile and of course, the baby smiles back. There’s so much power and it crosses all cultures and languages and everything. And it does. If we smile at ourselves, like you do first thing in the morning, then that’s already setting the tone for the whole day ahead. Yeah, no matter what happens on that day. That’s your starting point. It is. I think that’s that’s really really good. That’s amazing. I like it. I’m gonna start doing it.
Warsha Joshi 19:33
Yes, do please. Do you have no idea how energetic I feel after that. And it’s Oh, that unstoppable. Yeah. Feeling that comes over changes the way I walk, changes everything
Amanda Schulte 19:49
I can imagine. Yeah, I really like it. I want to go back to the point that you were saying earlier about normalizing a situation situation now just having it become normal. And you and I touched on this topic yesterday, I think at some point when we were chatting, it’s becoming more normal now it’s becoming more common. Yeah. And I think we’ve come a long way. I remember, I don’t remember because I wasn’t born. But I know the stories of my mom’s husband, who was not my father. And my mom’s first husband, he actually passed away from cancer. And he was 27 years old. And when he.
So why am I sharing this particular story is because of the way that the situation was handled. It was very taboo at that time. So we’re going back now, almost 50 years. And this was in the UK at that time. So it was, as you said, You handled your situation, when you went into the hospital on that day, you had control? And you said, Okay, these are the tests that are required, these results are required and you manage it. In those days, you didn’t do that as a patient. No, you were not even told your diagnosis. Yeah, let alone treatment or prognosis or anything like that. It just wasn’t discussed now. And for me, who was born half a century later, I’m not disgusted with my mum, over the years, and I’ve said, How did you handle that?
Like, how can you not know or not want to know? And she said, that was just the way it was, in those days. You just didn’t talk about it. Even if it was you going through it. It just wasn’t talked about the doctors handle that they have their files, and they went in, they did their thing. And you didn’t ask any questions. And that is so wrong on so many levels. And, obviously, we’re past that now. Thank goodness,
Warsha Joshi 21:48
Amanda Schulte 21:49
I still feel normalizing the entire situation and people who are going through it, who have been through it, or maybe are yet to go through it. Yeah, making it normal. It’s part of the healing process. It is I would imagine, imagine for you when you’re out and about going through your day, and you’re in the public. Having people just treat you as they always would. Yeah, it’s probably part of the healing process.
Warsha Joshi 22:17
It is. And by that, let me also explain, when I’m going I’m out and about and I mean, in the public sphere, how would they know and what’s changed is because I my way of dealing with a hair loss is just dealing with the hair loss. I’m just not somebody who would wear a wig. The first first couple of times, this happened a good 18 years and 2022 years ago, I lost my hair. And I used to wear a scarf to just and now I thought no, I can’t be bothered. I just know I can’t be bothered.
Amanda Schulte 22:57
You get to that age, though. Luckily,
Warsha Joshi 23:01
there’s something about turning 50 You just you stop caring about things. I’m just refusing to wear a scarf. And I think what why this is why I’m today, I’m just going to be the biggest differences. Like that’s I was saying to you yesterday, after the hospital visit yesterday, I was out and about doing something and nobody, I didn’t get a few I do get random looks. But people just continue with life. And I think that’s a wonderful way because you’re not looked at as somebody odd or Oh, or somebody to be pitied about what’s happening now, you know, you’re just saying, well, great, good for you. Thanks, smile, move on. Yeah. And it’s okay. Yeah.
Amanda Schulte 23:46
It’s amazing. And I think particularly for a woman, it’s a big deal. Perhaps not so much for men, particularly for a woman, it’s a big deal. And then, you know, there is that choice. I remember, my cousin went through this situation. And she’s now put that behind her and she’s finite. And she chose
Warsha Joshi 24:05
to nice, she chose to wear
Amanda Schulte 24:07
a cap that was ice. It was incredibly cold. And they said, you know will help save your hair. And she did that at the beginning of her treatment. And she said the cat was incredibly painful. It was like literally sticking your head in the freezer. It was mad. It was so painful the entire time. And her hair was falling out anyway. Perhaps less, perhaps slower. But it was. So she did exactly the same as you she she got a few treatments. And then she went, you know what I’m done with it. I am who I am. This is me right now. And she owned it. And actually, why not? Because that’s you today. I mean, we’ve all had crazy headaches. I mean, as a teenager if that was me at that time, would I do it again? No way. I did it then. You know I lived through it and I grew it out. Would I do it now
Warsha Joshi 25:00
All right. And somewhere we have there are no photos.
Amanda Schulte 25:04
I think there probably are. I think I was about 14 at the time, right? Yeah, definitely. I had I literally had to get up an hour earlier for school just to do my hair. Oh, you had very long hair waistline. And permed can in those days you I’m talking mid 90s. Now, very into have a spiral perm, like the spiral perm was the thing I remember, though it was going, you know, yes, it was the corkscrew. Correct? Yeah. And while my head was not, and literally took me an hour in the morning, just to get it under control. And at that time, it was a fantastic idea, because it was the 90s. And everyone was doing it and Spice Girls and all of that. And would I do it again? No, no, it was me at that time. It’s okay. This is who you are today. Exactly. I think you look great. I actually do. And it’s very kind. You know, I’m not saying it because that’s the right thing to say, because I’m not like that. I will. I will say it. But I know and I believe I think you look great. I really do. And I remember when your hair started to fall out and you sent me the photo of a shaved version. Yeah. And you looked fantastic. That was my first thought like, Oh, my goodness, how can this woman carry this hairstyle off? It’s brilliant. You look younger, you looked fresher. And even now, you actually look 20 years younger than you did six months ago. I don’t know how that’s possible. But it’s really, it’s amazing. And I think you’re absolutely doing the right thing. Well,
Warsha Joshi 26:32
yesterday, Evan asked me this says you’re rebranding yourself as a Bald Business Coach, do you think you’ll grow your hair after? This is all done? And I said, You know what you’ve asked a question. That is, I’ve been thinking about the freedom, the feeling of total liberation. I don’t have to worry about my end. It’s just It’s lovely. And I love it. It’s just it’s
Amanda Schulte 26:55
showers must be amazing. Quick in
Warsha Joshi 26:57
and out. It just, it’s wonderful. And will I grow my hair? I probably will. But I may not. And I’m totally enjoying it while this last dinner, like you said earlier. And I want to go back to that because a few people asked me this. She says, Well, as a woman, how do you take this? Oh, not having hair? And I thought, well, I don’t know if I ever looked at it. As a woman, I might not have hair. Because first of all, I’ve been through this a couple times before. So I knew what’s going to happen. I knew what I’m going to look like because I’ve seen and I have photos from the. So I was peeling those layers after that conversation. And I thought, well, probably because we begin to somewhere identify as hair defines how I look, or hair defines some concept of beauty of whatever. Yeah, but does it it doesn’t put a smile on your face? Does it matter how long your hair is? No, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman. It doesn’t make any difference. And okay. And also, let me put it this way, as you know, we have the freedom of doing what we do, because we don’t move in the corporate circles where you’re expected to look a certain way where you’re expected to show up with hair. But should you be because No, you know what, this is a reality for a lot of people. Does it define our capability in life? Does it define our ability to to play the roles that we play whatever role this is?
Amanda Schulte 28:29
Yeah, no, it doesn’t know. And the question that Evan asked you, that’s also been going through my mind the last couple of weeks. You know, now you’re the gold business coach, and you know, what happens in the future? Do you continue to shave or not or, but as you just rightly said, on the other hand, it doesn’t define what to do and your ability to do what you do. So you steal the ball business coat, but you just have hair, you just add that pot on. I’ve got hair now. But I’m sitting down in person, I’m still doing the same thing. And I still have the same ability. Just the opposite of what you’re saying right now. I had hair a year ago, I was a fantastic coach. I don’t have hair, I’m still a fantastic coach. I’m gonna get hair again. You’re the same person inside.
Warsha Joshi 29:09
I think I want to re apply the word bold in a different way. And you know me, you’ve known me for so long. And you know that every word in this following sentence is true. The word bald also applies to the way I convey a message. There’s no if I have to say something, I just say the way it is. Now. I have enough in me and enough in taking a situation for what it is and being able to speak the ball truth. I’ve never shied away from saying things the way they are.
Amanda Schulte 29:41
Yeah, that is definitely true. And I think that’s what makes you who you are. And that is also what makes you handle everything whether it’s this situation or anything else. That’s what makes you handle it so brilliantly because there is no extra there’s no fluff. It just is The situation is, and we’re going to deal with it, even if it’s a professional situation in work. This is what’s happening. This is what we’re going to do next. These are the next steps. And there’s nothing extra. No. And that’s why you and I get along because I’m very much the same. I come from a family of fluff.
My family are very fluffy. There’s me and my brother are non fluffy people. Yeah, I have two brothers. One is incredibly fluffy. He’s in the hospitality business, which is great because they need luck. So he’s very happy over there. He manages a hotel. And my other brother is in the IT business, not fluff, no fluff required by it. He just deals with machines, he understand how machines work. He is absolute genius. People, he doesn’t give people these companies often try to relocate him and have him work in sales. And he’s like, people. I don’t do people. But he’s a man of very few words. While I’m not like that, I can deal with people, but I don’t have. And, you know, I think sometimes that gets you into trouble.
Yeah, especially as a kid and as a teenager, I got into trouble. And I remember my older brother, the fluffy one often would cover for me and my other brother. But no, no, she didn’t really mean that what she meant was I was standing there go, no, no, I didn’t mean that. Is I know that Oh, come on. Let’s go. Always trying to like, you know, flip the situation. Cover it? I think, why not? Why not just go out there and say it and be strong. And yeah, just tackle it head on.
Warsha Joshi 31:39
In the politically correct world we live in today. Somewhere. Someone listening might be thinking, well, sometimes it’s okay to soften the blow. Yeah, definitely. Okay to soften the blow by saying things the way they are. At no way are we saying being rude about it being aggressive about it, it just is. The sooner we look at a situation for what it is better control we have over it is always talking about it just saying the way it is, rather than hiding it and covering it. And then we just delaying the process.
Amanda Schulte 32:15
Yeah. And like you said, you don’t need to be rude. You don’t need to have anger or no rudeness attached to it. It’s not about that. It’s about just saying that how
Warsha Joshi 32:25
exactly and this is this, I go back to this, why I call this a situation is because we’re now today talking about a specific situation that I’m dealing with. Everything that we’re talking about, can be applied to any situation in life. Because isn’t that what life is
Amanda Schulte 32:43
just a series of situations? Yeah.
Warsha Joshi 32:46
It could be a situation in a business, it could be a situation, as a parent, it could be a situation as a spouse, it could be a situation as a neighbor, as a friend, as a sibling, whatever. And they all situations and all under the old phases. Because if we haven’t seen it like that, then it’s equally true that if this wasn’t a situation, if this wasn’t a base, we would probably be stuck in some sort of parallel universe loop that we never get out of. We’re not we move on life moves. There are happy days, there are some not so happy days.
Amanda Schulte 33:21
We pick up something every day. That’s something to be taken forward from every day no matter what.
Warsha Joshi 33:29
And then there’s enough trust in us to be able to deal with a situation. As humans, we are incredibly resourceful. And you’ve heard me say this a lot of times our we are at our creative best when sometimes we feel our backs are against the wall, because we have it in us to come out fighting because that’s who we are. We look after ourselves first. And there is no, there’s nothing wrong in that.
Look after yourself. Firstly, because that’s in we only think we do it when things are really stressful or anxious. But isn’t that what we do every day? And that’s perfectly okay on the space and choose who you surround yourself with? Because that’s the other thing that I really learned very early on. And I then No, no, I now know who I’m going to be surrounding myself with at level one.
And there are some incredible people in my life who have for the past few months have been such a strong support system, present company included. Thank you very much for really being that person for me. And it’s wonderful how my immediate family has really rallied together and they’ve just deep formed this strong sort of fortress around me to say, You know what, we’re here. And that’s the other thing. And this is this is almost like a tip for the family and friends surrounding somebody who’s dealing with this situation. And this has When the first couple of times as well that I would dealt with the situation, and it’s happening now, the one thing that really helps is for you, as a caretaker, you as the first defense you as your first the family, or the friend inner circle, is to keep the smile firmly on your face, to keep the belief that this is a face.
And no matter what, we’re here with you goes a long way, a long way in the recovery process. Yeah. So of course you feel the emotions, of course you feel sad, of course. And at no point, am I suggesting that it’s not okay to feel any of that, of course, we feel that because we are humans, after all, when we have all those emotions that we have to go through it just some people deal with it differently.
Yeah. But if you want to share it here, probably not the best idea to share it, you’re in front of the person who’s going through this. Because sometimes all that is required is to just squeeze off the hand and say, You know what, it’s okay. We could do. That is something my doctor said to me. I’m gonna take this minute to while I’ve been recognizing my wonderful friends and family support system, I have to say, so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by incredibly positive and excellent doctors. Yeah. Because my doctor said to me, when she laid out the plan, the treatment plan, she looked at me and she says, You do know, all treatment starts here. All recovery process starts over here. And she tapped her head. Yes. And said it with a massive smile on her face and says, All recovery starts over here. What see you already set the tone for me. That’s brilliant.
Amanda Schulte 36:51
Yeah. So you already have that connection? Because you are the same.
Warsha Joshi 36:56
I said, Yeah, that language, I understand. Yeah, I love it. And just to touch on that, I think oncologist are brilliant at telling you the situation the way it is, yes. And yet that art form, so incredibly full of empathy, and really making it such a, almost a positive way forward to it, whatever the situation is, I think they have really mastered that art.
And I’m so happy that I’m surrounded by doctors and nurses, everybody who just looks at it’s like, Okay, another day at work. But we get you better, keep smiling because all recovery starts over here. So you’re the caretaker, you’re the you’re a family know that all recovery does actually start here for everyone surrounding you.
And just, that’s why it’s so important to have that support system built. Because it’s important, it makes a big difference. And that’s why I chose not to make this situation public for a while because you’ve got to deal with a lot of things, a lot of things, your own emotions, your own way of dealing your own people around you. Yeah. But eventually, I thought, Okay, now I’m ready to talk about it. Because again, I’m not somebody who will stay behind the camera for too long. Because that’s not what life is about for me. And that’s when, as you know what I said, Well, I’m going to do it, I’m going to tell the world because every single person who watched that video, by the way, that video is still making the rounds.
Every single person who watched that video, there were many messages on all social media platforms over WhatsApp, there were phone calls, there was so many so many lovely messages coming through. And it was almost so heartening to know that you only have to ask and people are there to help. And my only ask was when you watch this video, send me a smile. Wow. Was I send some smiles. 1000s of them.
Amanda Schulte 39:09
That’s amazing. And most of them you didn’t even know I didn’t even know maybe on the other side of the world and you don’t have any connection with them whatsoever. And yet, there was a connection right there because you asked for something and they gave it to
Warsha Joshi 39:22
you and they gave so freely. And it just it restores your faith in humanity. Anything what do we cry about?
Amanda Schulte 39:30
As humans I think we get sometimes a little stuck in our daily routine and things that we are exposed to. Generally though, if you strip all that away, we are amazing, and we’re amazing to each other together where we can create magic. I do believe that and like you said, you put it out there you ask you get and you get some
Warsha Joshi 39:52
and so generously. The love that has been pouring in is some days it is quite overwhelming. And of course, we all go through the doubts anything. This is all for me. Wow. Well, half of them don’t even know me. And yet even, but look how generous people are. Look how big heart and full of love people are.
Amanda Schulte 40:14
Yeah, I think that is our first instinct. Our first instinct is to be kind and full of love and to help. I think there are times when, as humans, some more than others, they get distracted and things. Other things happen. But generally, we are good at heart, and we are good. We want to help. And you see it in the most unexpected of places.
Yeah, it also happened to me a couple of times, it was two years ago, I was in a car accident, and I couldn’t get the door open. And my daughter was in the back. I don’t know if you remember this, but I couldn’t actually open the door. It was a truck that was on the side. And I was like panicking. And of course, I knew she was okay. But I couldn’t get the door open because the power was so damaged. Yeah. And it was rush hour, peak time, school run, get to work, busy traffic, the whole of the main road, the whole of the main road that I was on, stopped, and at least eight or 10 different people got out of different cars and said, How can we help? Look at that? And I was just like, Wow, that’s amazing.
Yeah. You don’t know me? And you probably have somewhere that you need to be. Yeah. And yet, they’re like, No, how can we help? What can we do? Do you need to drop anywhere? You need to get your dog to school. And just the times like that you think people are so good? Yeah, they are actually really good. And they give love freely like
Warsha Joshi 41:38
they do. And it is that also brought to light. Something that I know Evan had recorded a story and narration. And there’s a line in that which said, What is it bravest thing? You are the bravest word you have said? And the response is help? Because we think it is weak to ask for help. Is it though? It’s okay to ask for help.
Amanda Schulte 42:04
It’s okay to ask for help. And you will get it every
Warsha Joshi 42:07
time every single time
Amanda Schulte 42:09
sometimes from the most unexpected place to Yes. But
Warsha Joshi 42:13
you will always have it. I think also
Amanda Schulte 42:15
it’s sometimes difficult for some people to offer help. Yeah, we’re gonna tell you another story now. So last weekend, we were in Dubai Mall. And it was it was a really hot day That day, I think it was over 40. And it was early evening, around eight o’clock. 830 something that and we were in the food court. The for those that know Dubai Mall. Downstairs, you go through the food court. And that leads you to the Burj Khalifa, of course, tallest building in the world for the florist, a lot of people walking up and down 99.9% of the people tourists that are walking there and sitting there.
So we were sitting in the food court eating. And my husband said, check that guy out. He has a problem. And about three, four tables where there was a guy sitting there with his head anytime. And I thought he was alone at first. So we observed him for a couple of minutes, we saw that his wife had actually gone into a coffee shop to get a bottle of water. And there was a very long queue in that coffee shop. And she waited, I actually would have just gone to the front and said Can I have one of these.
But anyway, she was waiting in line very nicely. And then she went back to him and she gave him the water. And the first thing he did was he put it on his pulse point on the back of his neck on his head. And you could really see that this guy felt really rough. And I said to my husband, I think it’s probably to do with the weather. There’s a lot of tourists, they come to Dubai, they don’t realize it’s very hot, it’s very humid, they’re very excited. They go out and they do things and then all of a sudden, it was really humid that night. And I think they’d come in from outside. So he wasn’t feeling very well. And I saw her go up to the security guy a couple of times. And I don’t know what she said. And then she came back and she went again. And I said to my husband, I think they’re waiting for something. Maybe she’s asked for one of these golf carts that comes around or I don’t know, we observe them for another few minutes. And I said to Mark, I’m gonna actually go and ask them if we can help.
And at first, he was like, really weird. Maybe, but I don’t care. You know, he said, he’s not being well. They’re in a country. They don’t know. Yeah, they’re visiting. So I went over and I said, Can I help? Is there something I can do? And she said, yeah, he’s not doing very well. And I don’t know what it is. And I said, Well, my guess it would be the weather or the humidity. And yeah, we’re tourists. We arrived yesterday.
So we actually ended up dropping them at their hotel, which took us about an hour roundtrip. And yet, if we wouldn’t have done that, they would have waited three, four hours for taxi as it is in Dubai Mall at that time. There’s no way he could have done that. And they were so grateful and I like wow. You know, we don’t want to say what can we do? And we might, it’s fine. It’s okay. I mean, we were leaving anyway. And not a big deal. Yeah, sometimes, for people to offer help, it can be challenging as well, because you’re then, okay, is this weird? I’m just gonna walk up to this person that I don’t know to, Hey, can I help ya? And yet for them, they were like, Wow, all of a sudden, they weren’t alone anymore in a country that they didn’t know what a wonderful story about. So true story. And yeah, it was just for us nothing. It didn’t really cost us anything. It didn’t cost us time or money or, and yet, it made a massive difference to them. Who, in that moment, that guy sitting there going, I just want to be in hotel, it just want to be in the hotel. And then you know, you have a three hour wait for a taxi. Yeah. Yeah, I think putting it out there and asking for help. And you will get it.
Warsha Joshi 45:50
You will get it. You turn. Wonderful. That is true. That is Oh, wow, that is so well done. That is a
Amanda Schulte 46:00
true story. It is I put myself in his position. I thought would I want someone to offer me help? I would. I can get to your hotel faster. Yes, please.
Warsha Joshi 46:11
Close? And being able to say yes, please is also yeah, like I said to you, I get all these messages. And I think you’ve really this is all for me. Well, why am I surprised? I asked for help. And I’m getting it by the bucket loads. Yeah. And that’s all I want. Yeah, just to smile, just some wonderful energy. Because I know I got this. I’m surrounded by people who are with me.
Right now let’s get on with life. That’s what it is, you know, something else that I want to talk about here. I want to use this opportunity, this platform to say like we were talking about normalizing things, there is an amount of pain, of course fully justified, there is an amount of trepidation.
There’s a massive amount of anxiety, stress, everything attached to this particular situation. Just the word cancer brings shivers down people’s spines. And, again, we would rather avoid talking about it, we would rather avoid not knowing which is I don’t want to know. So if I were to just talk about my story right now, having been through this twice now, somewhere, we’ve become very aware of our bodies. We know what needs to happen. And we suddenly think yeah, that’s not right. I need to inject, being aware of about and I’m really, really hoping and wishing and praying that no one goes through this multiple times, let alone once. But the fact is, this is here to stay.
So what can we do to make sure that the situation is easier to handle? Is being aware of our own bodies, listening to our own bodies, and getting yourself checked. Getting as a woman as a man, it doesn’t matter if you’re a human, getting yourself checked through your annual tests. And don’t do it because, oh, it’s a month of awareness. And that’s the thing to do. No offense to anybody who does that. The fact is, do it because you’re doing this for yourself. Go get yourself checked, give your doctors a chance to say, let’s get you better if there’s something not right. Trust your doctors have to trust them enough to sit down and have an open conversation. Because like you just said, we don’t live 50 years ago, today’s doctors actually want you to know want you to have control over the situation. The way today’s doctors deal with situations is their partners in the situation with you. Yeah, definitely. And get yourself checked
Amanda Schulte 48:59
and listen to your body. And nobody knows your body more than you more than you do. Exactly. Not even the best doctor in the world understands your body the way that you do.
Warsha Joshi 49:08
Yeah. Now they don’t. And it’s so good that there are so many countries that are taking up this initiative. And, and okay, I’m going to talk about ovarian cancer now, because that’s the situation I’m dealing with. Third time ovarian cancer. Well, the thing is, ovarian cancer is and I was reading this somewhere, and it said it is the most under diagnosed, underfunded, and most misunderstood. In terms of women’s cancer, so I don’t know at what level this is true, or what level or there’s several more layers to be killed over there. But that resonated with me because I thought What do you know what? And it’s also termed as the silent killer. Well, silent let’s just stick with the word silent for now. Thank you Did really doesn’t give out any symptoms, you don’t know what is happening till the time where it may be a little bit too late or maybe a little bit, too. So it would create a slightly longer situation, journey, whatever you want to call it. And that’s even more important to why you should be going through your regular checkups. And as it happens, we’ll be recording this in September. I think the episode will be released in September, March and September, are in different parts of the world taken as awareness months for ovarian cancer. But how many people know about it? Because it’s not fashionable enough yet? Yeah. Because I don’t know why. Because it doesn’t have a fashionable color to be associated with. Yeah. Do you know that the color that is associated with ovarian cancer is still how many of us know what 11 looks like?
Amanda Schulte 51:02
That is my favorite color in the whole world? I do.
I’m glad you do.
Amanda Schulte 51:06
Definitely. I’m thinking Tiffany right now.
Warsha Joshi 51:08
Yes. So Teal is the color. But how many people actually know what happens? How many people talk about this? Yeah. Do we see this on magazine covers? Do we see this on splashed around social media? Do we see some drives? Do we see awareness campaigns? Do we actually see people paying any sort of attention? No. And it’s not the people’s fault. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just, we don’t talk about this enough. And we need to now talk about this. That’s one of the biggest ways to normalize this, to talk about this. Go get yourself checked. And it is confronting Of course, it’s confronting. Even listening to me talk about this is confronting to a lot of people. I’m sure. I’m still very happy that they’re still listening to this conversation. Yeah. Because at no point can we do we’ve never lived in that sort of a world and yet we do because every time something happens, we think it’s going to happen to someone else. Never mean, someone’s house get burgled, or that happens to someone else. Never mean, someone gets sick, or that happens, someone else never made? No. You want that other person to someone else.
Amanda Schulte 52:25
And there’s every chance that we’ll have them do.
Warsha Joshi 52:27
Have we ever gone through life? thinking, Oh, I’m never gonna get to code. Great if you don’t, and yet, it’s okay if you do. Because now we have normalized, a cold, a common cold, we’re gonna call it a common code.
Amanda Schulte 52:41
I think even if we look at the pandemic, we’ve normalized COVID. You got to I don’t think there’s a single person on this planet that hasn’t had it. Yeah. And yet, it’s just one of those things. Now it’s integrated into society. I mean, yesterday, my daughter came home from school, and she was like, Oh, my friends got COVID. Two years ago, we’d be like, Oh, my God, what, really, we’d all be panicking. And they’d be locked down. And oh, my goodness now and I will just stop filming. So she’s off school, and she’ll join online for a couple days. And then she’ll go back if normal now, because we’re living it. It’s visible. We talk about it. Oh, my goodness, I’ve we’ve talked about it last year. And now it’s just as it is, and I agree with with your players, we need to talk about it. For it to become normal for us to just see the word and to register it and say, Oh, yes, it’s reasonable for me.
Warsha Joshi 53:30
And it doesn’t matter who. And by that I mean, it can no longer be looked at as all this is a woman’s cancer. So women need to pay attention to it. Because it affects lives across the board. Everybody needs to pay attention to getting yourself checked. Encourage people and after hearing this if one person goes and gets them at checked and returns home with a smile to say, yes, I’ve done it, and I’m okay. I’ll be very, very happy. Very happy. It’s about time we started talking about this. Yeah,
Amanda Schulte 54:04
I completely agree with you. I do have a question for you. That’s been sort of burning in my mind for the last month actually. As you said for somebody that’s going through this for the third time. What are you applying now in your current situation that you’ve taken from either or both of the previous times before? And what have you decided to not do or say or carry forward? How is this one different to the other two? Or is it not exactly the same? What do you learn each time you go through
Warsha Joshi 54:39
this question? What did I learn each time?
Amanda Schulte 54:43
What are you now doing that you’re saying I did it then that was amazing? I’m doing it now or I did it then not going to do it now or that can be anything from vitamins that you’re taking the water you drink to people you surround yourself to? Anything at all? Is there anything that for someone that’s going through this multiple times, because there are people out there that are going through this. Yeah, the second third time, like you are. So what are you carrying forward? And what are you choosing to be?
Warsha Joshi 55:12
What am I carrying forward. And what I did, then the first time, second time, and now the third time, is making sure that I give enough time for myself for exercise, keeping my body active exercise and keeping my brain active, because I was working throughout then as well. And I’m determined to work through this, I need that space, because that’s one space where my energy is focused on something else that I love doing. And that’s a great way. So even if it is for an hour a day, it gives me enough energy to then think about the situation. And today, what do I need to do? So it’s important for me to have that normal. And I say it in quotes is just normalcy. With a working day working week, even if it is now my working week has come down to three days a week. And that’s okay. At three days more than I thought it would be. That’s amazing. I continued working then and I’m continuing to work now. Exercise is hugely important. Because an exercise whether you’re going through a situation or not, it is great to exercise anyway, it changes how you look at life anyway, just it’s right uplifter getting some fresh air, going for walks, getting some exercise done and vitamins, yes, getting through your supplements and being religious about it. And I say religious, I don’t mean any other way than to say putting some sort of a discipline around it. Putting some sort of a discipline around your day helps. Yeah, something that I’m choosing this time not to do is worry myself with covering my head just and that’s something I did the first time didn’t do it the second time, definitely the third time when I started losing my hair and so okay, that’s one thing I don’t want to deal with. Because there’s one thing less to worry about. I just went and shaved my head, as you know, as I’ve just because I have to say, and I said this to a couple of people and they looked at me I thought that’s a weird thing to say everything. Yeah, because it’s a weird situation. There are very few things that are annoying to me. Then waiting for that hair fall to go the coming progression. Oh, it’s
Amanda Schulte 57:39
actually coming. There’s no
Warsha Joshi 57:40
me it is one of the most annoying things do they? Oh, good. No, I have had on my back. Oh, look on their head on my desk. This has to be the most ridiculous thing about just No, I’m not dealing with that again. Just get it out. Shave it and be done with it. Yeah. Did I look at my hair and think, oh, wow, I do have a lot of hair. And I always think my hair is thinning out but no such thing we
think a lot done. So
Warsha Joshi 58:07
that I’d said now I’m going to do it because I just I don’t like fast like that. So that’s out something else that is almost like a renewed memory and renewed skills that I’m bringing forward again, I have to say this has to be the funniest thing another huh. I forgot entire situation. You know, you lose hair. Along with that. You lose your eyebrows as well not just hair on your head. And you realize, Wow, I look I look really bland. Yes. And I need to start painting my eyebrows again. And when I say finding my eyebrows and literally putting some shade I all I do is I have black eyeshadow powder eyeshadow. And I paint that over my eyebrows with a brush as like that as a brush. Like powder eyeshadow, and I literally paint it over for whatever little hair I have on my eyebrows. And that’s it.
Amanda Schulte 59:07
And that in itself is a skill. It’s a skill and a requirement for anyone going through
Warsha Joshi 59:13
any it’s wonderful suddenly to see your face transformed, I think Oh, yeah. Okay, that looks a little bit like me. So it was so funny about heaven. Look, I have forgotten. I used to do this. Hold on. I have the brush and I have found our eyeshadow today is my wind for the day. painting my
Amanda Schulte 59:31
eyebrows. Okay. Yeah, but these are small things but incredibly important, right? Because I think as humans when we put the face together in our mind, yeah, whether that face has hair or not. Yeah, it’s really neither here nor there. But eyebrows. Eyebrows. Go Oh, that’s clear. Yeah, that I look weird when I look at myself. I think everyone at some point is shaved their eyebrows. I know but I know I did. When I was a teenager. We were doing it for a joke. Funny At the time, it was a really good idea at the time. But anyway, we were 12 years old, and we were doing a sleepover, so ended up in eyebrow shaving. And that’s weird because you know, 12 years old, you don’t really know how to paint your eyebrows back on. So I literally just had to wait and go back and just look so weird. The group of friends that I have that were with me that day, we all just walked around looking really bizarre. Sure you did. It’s so important part of the face to put the face together. Yeah. And when you realize that they’re gone, or you know, you’re losing them.
Warsha Joshi 1:00:31
Yeah, you need to put them back on. And I choose to do that, because it just it to me. Yeah, as you said, it just it frames your face and gives a little bit of color to my face. Otherwise, it really looks so washed out. And the other thing that is coming in a few more weeks is and that happened before as well, which I didn’t do much about, I will lose my eyelashes as well. Yeah. And that’s why it’s important that I use the same powder eyeshadow, and I line my eyes. So it’s not immediately apparent that I don’t even have our lashes. These are little things, it’s still random to talk about eyebrows. But it’s such an become such a big part of
Amanda Schulte 1:01:13
this home. It was part of your daily routine. And it’s important to acknowledge it because it’s small. And yet it’s a big impact. It is it especially if you work like like we do and like a lot of people in the world now also do and you work a lot on the screen and on zoom as you need that you need to zoom anyway makes you look strange. Good caller I’m
Warsha Joshi 1:01:37
going for good. But okay.
Amanda Schulte 1:01:40
No, it does. I mean, at least for me, I find that Zoom makes me look really strange. I don’t know why that I gained like 20 kilos on do, why don’t we
Warsha Joshi 1:01:47
all in front of the camera, that’s just me looking about Wait, that’s something that happens. And it’s happening to me and the dam, okay, drink a lot of water. Because dehydration is a thing. And you realize how quickly your body can get dehydrated. And also because you’re given a lot of steroids, your body responds to it in a different way. And you do feel the swelling, if you feel you have the shape of your face changing, you’ll gain a little bit of weight by eating healthy, being very conscious about how you keep yourself active and eat healthy and drink a lot of water also goes a long way in that recovery process. Because I’ve recently for those who don’t know, Amanda, you do know, for those who don’t know, Evan and I went through the past two years, I think two or three years, where we realized that we love each other so much that we didn’t see each other growing. But 20 kilos more than we, we were mad at other what happened to us, how do we not see each other looking like that? So we, we decided, that’s it, we’re going to get fitter. And recently, we realized that we individually, each of us lost about 2022 kilos. So already, we were feeling very good about the whole thing. And I’m determined to make sure that that still continues to him being healthy. And it’s not about losing a certain number of kilos, it really is about getting to that healthy body weight and getting to the place where you feel good about yourself. And to be fair, we love to eat. So there was not a time when we weren’t feeling good about ourselves because we were totally happy. But the point is when when we looked at each other one day, and I thought oh my god, did we actually look like that three years ago, burn the photos.
Amanda Schulte 1:03:36
Even for me, when I see photos of the two of you from two years ago, it’s surprising because when you see each other every day well, even if it’s only on the screen as much. But when I see photographs from then, I mean that what I said earlier is absolutely true. To me, you look 20 years younger than you did a couple years ago. Without hair, it doesn’t really make any difference. You look younger, you look fitter. And you look amazing. Yeah. Thank you. If I was to see you now and someone said that you’re going through what you’re going through, and the treatment that you have and the intense treatment schedule that you’re going through. Yeah, I wouldn’t know. I actually wouldn’t know. And I know you very well. Yeah. I don’t hear it in your voice. I don’t I don’t see it, because you’re just dealing with it in isolation every day, whether it’s a treatment day, or it’s a not to treatment day, and you’re making the best out of it. And you’re not sitting there at any moment going, oh, you know, tomorrow’s my treatment, and I’m gonna feel like that. I’ve never heard you say anything like that, and you never will
Warsha Joshi 1:04:39
know. Because I know about it. And tomorrow, I will take the day as it comes. Yeah, that’s pretty much what it is. And you asked me that question, and I’m still thinking about it. What am I doing differently? So what when you said Well, there are people out there going through this multiple times, and this is my third time, I think If I do say it, and when I talk about it that this is the third time. And yet, I find myself less anxious the third time than I was a second time. Because second time was more of a shock. And the second time was literally two years after the first time. Two, three years after the first time, I had that one again. And now 18 years later, I’m a little less anxious about it. I don’t know why I cannot put a finger on it. It’s just I don’t know why. Okay, so it’s happened again, right? At least now I know how to deal with it. That’s, maybe that’s how I’m taking this. And I don’t know if it’s helpful. Listening to me go in, almost dispassionately. I’m okay with that, because so was the third time. The wonderful thing is medical technology, the way doctors deal with this the way care is available, everything has changed dramatically in the 18 years. Yeah. So today’s experience is very different from what it was 18 years ago. So one of my ways of not basing to what today’s experience might be on what it was 18 years ago, it’s actually helping me. Because if that was the case, and I would be worrying about this a lot, because the second time was particularly difficult. It really was a fairly challenging phase of my life. But if I were to think well, all that happened 18 years ago, so there’s every chance all that will happen today will happen today, I’d be a mess. So, again, coming back to taking this everyday as it comes. Someone asked me last week, and I met somebody, and it was a question that came through and how did you deal with the anger? I didn’t quite get the question. In other words, what do you mean, like temper? I do have a temper I did at least did and then went through my own lot of evolving and whatever. So I’m a very different person than I was in my 30s 20 years ago. And she looked at me that no, no, no anger, that this has happened to you.
Amanda Schulte 1:07:20
Where are you directing that anger? If you were to have it? And why would it help you anyway?
Warsha Joshi 1:07:26
Yeah. And that made me sit back and think what was I angry even the first time or the second time or the third time? That’s just something that emotion didn’t even come through. It was more shocked that all this has happened than why me? I was never angry at the situation. Even then. I was not sad. I was not angry. And I’m not angry today. Because I don’t know why. But I was asked as well, why not another one? I don’t have an answer to that, because I’m just not angry about it. Again, the third time, something that does not happen in the three times is me asking why me? And I don’t know if there’s a right or wrong or why response to this. But I do know that that is one of the most recurring questions that a lot of people ask in whatever scenario, particularly with cancer. And But why me is a question that a lot of people ask themselves, whatever. But because I don’t know what might be a very grave situation for me might be something so simple for someone else. So it’s this is a relative situation. And it’s very simple, isn’t it? Yeah. So I have no answer to that. I’ve not asked myself why may have not cried about it. I was anxious when I was like, Oh, that starts again. And like, Okay, how do I deal with this? And, and don’t get me wrong, I did let it out and had a good cry. But that was good. I thought, what? I’m gonna have a good cry. And I felt so much better after it. And that okay, fine, at least have that out. Yeah, what’s next? And then move on. So, I’m not saying that. I’m not allowing emotions to flow through. I’m allowing every emotion that appears to have a place to acknowledge it, and also say, Okay, your role is now done. Let’s not wait to move on. Yeah, I’m just saying what emotions have made an appearance and which haven’t. Anger has not. Yeah, incredible love for myself has. And I realized today that what has really come through the third time, which didn’t for the first two times is I look at myself today and I give myself thanks, and I give myself the acknowledgement. that, I still have it in me. I got this. And I love myself. I love my body. I love who I am. Because what has very strongly come through, that’s the only thing that matters.
Amanda Schulte 1:10:17
If you don’t believe in you, nobody else will
Warsha Joshi 1:10:19
nobody else will. And I totally believe in myself. Yeah. And I love myself for it. I love the fact that I wake up every morning. And I believe and I know that as long as the sun rises every morning, today’s the prime new day. Everything is right in the world.
Amanda Schulte 1:10:40
Yeah, definitely. I think there’s a lot of power in that, regardless of what you’re going through, whether it’s something physical or emotional, or, yeah. If you don’t love and respect yourself, it’s quite a cliche thing. And yet, it is absolutely true. If you don’t love and respect yourself, then how can you expect anybody else,
Warsha Joshi 1:10:59
someone else to do it for you?
Amanda Schulte 1:11:02
You’re giving off that vibe into the world every single day. And I think the way you choose to go about your day, and almost reconnecting with yourself on some level. Yeah. Because of the situation that you’re in and what you’re going through, and you’ve cut yourself some slack for it. Yes, it’s okay. I mean, we’ve said this before, some days are different. Some days are slower, some days are faster, some days you home, you’re on fire other days. No, you’re not. And it’s okay.
Warsha Joshi 1:11:30
Everything is okay.
Amanda Schulte 1:11:32
Cut yourself the slack. It’s fine. And I think it’s amazing that we as a company, and we as colleagues, and as a team have managed to find a way to work around your treatment schedule. Yes. So what you’re on fire for three days a week? The other do not so much. And that’s okay, because we’re working with what we have. Has that slowed down our progress as a team? No. changed any of our ideas or strategies? or No,
Amanda Schulte 1:12:01
We’re just working with what we have, and cutting yourself to slack on the other days. And I think that is incredibly important as well. Because if you were to set out on this journey, say, No, it’s not going to change anything, I’ll be working as I was before, and nothing’s going to change. I don’t think that’s true, and it will change. And then you will be shocked. And you’ll be sad and disappointed in yourself. Like why am I not doing what I did before? Yeah, you set the tone and say, okay, things are gonna change. This is how they’re going to change. And we, as a team, have acknowledged that. And I think, in terms of productivity, or anything with regard to the business and what we do every day,
Warsha Joshi 1:12:39
that hasn’t changed, no outputs the same. No, that hasn’t changed. We just walk around with what we have. And I love every single person associated with the company who are really embodying this as well. So turnover, that’s great. We still got this, it was three days, it’s three days. Right? So the time you go into what you have to worship, we got this. And it’s it speaks volumes about how we brought this, this company together, people together, and the ethos that still is become part of our DNA. Today’s a day, and it will be exactly how we wanted to eat
Amanda Schulte 1:13:20
it well, that well. And the best part of today is you and I starting off the day with this conversation. This is going to set the tone for the rest of my day and and into the weekend as well. Because it’s been a while since since you and I have one of our coffee chats and one day I’m sure we will have a real coffee chat doesn’t Yes, we will
Warsha Joshi 1:13:39
sit down and have a cup of coffee.
Amanda Schulte 1:13:40
We definitely will. Even though a lot of the times neither of us actually drink coffee. I do. I do sometimes
Warsha Joshi 1:13:47
I don’t I don’t drink coffee. So right now I am just it’s more about the chat than it is more about the time that the coffee that is true. I’m sipping my water. And yeah, I don’t know you’re having your tea.
Amanda Schulte 1:13:59
I actually didn’t get to it. So I have water. Well, I didn’t I didn’t get to do that. Yeah, it fell off my to do this this morning. You know, probably every day is different. And a lot of that depends on what speed my daughter’s on. It has to speed she has slow I’ll do it when I can be bothered, because me and stop. These are the two speeds that she has. Right. And I realized over the years that if I push her if she slows down, so now I know. Okay. Just leave it just depends on what variation of slow she’s on in the morning. And in that way. She’s just like a father. You want something from one in the morning to two in the morning. No problem. She’s fully there. And she will do it. Morning time as in getting up going to school. Now they are night owls. Yeah, I am definitely more productive in the morning. They are more productive the evening at night. But yeah, so today she was on a bit of a slow, slow. So yeah, that’s why my two minutes to make my cup of tea before I joined didn’t happen because they were taken to something else.
Warsha Joshi 1:15:10
While we’re talking about your daughter, I have to say this right here on my desk is a is a plant pot with succulents in it. And those succulents, and there’s a card attached to it, handwritten handpainted and everything, which were present from Amanda’s daughter. So Amanda, that’s sits here, and they’re doing so well. And I look at this every single day, because the day this plant was delivered to me, you drove past the hospital you delivered to me on day one of my treatment, and that put a big smile on my face. And that handwritten note by your daughter, which says, You got this, and I love it. And that’s it. Yeah. And I will look after it. And I know it’s gonna continue bringing that love and energy.
Amanda Schulte 1:16:03
So it was so important to her. Yeah,
Warsha Joshi 1:16:07
I remember that. I want to talk about
Amanda Schulte 1:16:09
this a little bit, because I’m going somewhere with this. Stay with me. But first of all, it was very important for her to give you these plants. She’s a plant fanatic. And it was very important for her that you have that. But she remembers, as you said, She’s grown up with us in the company. And she remembers going to the office that we had and how many plants we have. So that’s very strong memory for her one of our childhood memories. Oh, the bounds were there in the window. And so it was important to her. And it was incredibly important to her that she created this gift card. And I don’t get involved in anything that she does. I don’t tell her what to write or what to say or what colors to use. And when she’s old enough and smart enough to know what she wants to say. And sometimes she blows me away. I think where did you get it from? This? Plant your dream that she wrote down? Yes. Wow. That’s brilliant. So did you see it somewhere? She was like, No, it’s from my head. I just thought it was a nice thing. And you know, find your dreams, right? And I just thought, wow, if I’m doing something right in my life, I’m bringing up this human being that I’m doing something right, because this is amazing. She continues to think like this, then my job is done. And I am just so proud of her in that way that she this is her outlook on life. She has so much love to give and so much good energy inside of. It’s phenomenal. I don’t know anyone else like she’s amazing. And I’m not just saying that because of my daughter, because of course you may think that she really is she just has this this personality of an energy. Yes. And I have noticed with her over the last maybe week or 10 days. So obviously there’s been people in my close family that have dealt with cancer. And Mercedes was either not born or she was a of an age, particularly with my dad that she didn’t really understand it. She was only four years old. So we made the choice as a family to not tell her. There’s no point to tell her something that she doesn’t fully understand. So we left it, and nothing was ever discussed. Now of course, she’s because we work the way we work remotely. She’s very involved in what I do everyday. I’m very involved in the company and the podcast. And I mean, yeah, it’s crazy what you know. So of course, he’s used to seeing your face. Yeah. And she saw day before yesterday, I was working on something on the screen. And of course, she saw your image. And that day when we drove past the hospital to deliver the sacraments. She wanted to know why what’s wrong by Washington. So I made a choice on that day. So either I’m going to keep it from her again. Or I’m actually going to tell her. And so I, of course, broke it down into the most simple way that I can teach our 10 year old. And I told her that this is the situation and this is what’s going on no treatment and because of the treatment, you lose your hair and you know, things like that. And I could see her working through it in her mind. Just day before yesterday, we were talking about it and she was like, okay, okay, so yeah, I got it. Then. I said, Do you have any questions or anything like that? She was like, no, no, I got it. I understand that. I understand what the what this is I understand what it does to a body. I understand the treatment and how the treatment works again, in the most basic way that I could explain it to her. But she got it and I just thought wow, she said yeah, so now she looks like that. Yes, she does. Okay, yeah. I really like a lipstick. I was like yeah, it’s really nice. And I just thought if your story can make an impact on her life, yeah. And how she looks at anyone going through this and she can then spread that on. Then amazing respect to you as well. Why? Because you do impact everyone around you, even the small people and the small people. You know, kids they are, they take on a lot a lot more than you give them credit for they You won.
Warsha Joshi 1:20:01
If that means if I’ve helped somebody get a different perspective on how to deal with life, then I think today has already been a victory. Definitely wonderful is that? Again, as I say, and we all have it in us, if we can bring about the tiniest of change in someone else’s life, that what a great purpose it is to live the way we do. Yeah, that’s been absolutely phenomenal. Thank you for sharing that story. Thank you for having coffee with me today. Coffee without coffee. Yeah, hopefully without coffee. It means a lot because we tend to, we’re very similar in the way we think. And we were unafraid of peeling back some layers, were unafraid of just talking about what needs to be talked about, and putting it out there. And so what do you know what this is what life is today, and we’ll deal with this important thing to remember is to keep saying, not keep saying, but really to believe that we got this. We have we got this? And we got today?
Amanda Schulte 1:21:01
And not because it’s a hashtag, or because it’s Oh, yeah, nothing to say, No, we go because you really believe it? And I do I do. And putting it out there every day and talking about it in this way. And like, like we said, If one person listens to what we have to say, and it changes their outlook, or changes their thoughts, or changes the way they interact with a member of their family, or friends or someone random on the street, or in the in a restaurant, if it changes the way they interact with those people, then I think we did a great job. We definitely did.
Warsha Joshi 1:21:36
Well, Amanda, what a wonderful, I don’t even know how long we’ve been talking. And for those continuing to listen to this, this conversation. Thank you for sticking around with us. And yeah, just thank you for keeping us company. We hope you’ve had a coffee because we don’t have a coffee or whatever it is that you prefer to. Yeah, whether it’s a coffee or a tea or water like us autographs or one, whatever it is that you’re sipping as you listen to, to friends catch up. We hope you have enjoyed this chat. And yeah, and we hope you continue to take a few things that resonate with you and apply it in your lives. That will already be a massive victory.
Amanda Schulte 1:22:19
Yep, it was a pleasure water. As always, it was great to actually do this to talk about this openly and it was a lot of fun. And the next time we do it, we will hopefully meet in a real place where we can really use
Warsha Joshi 1:22:33
that one too. But have fun, have a brilliant rest of the day. And we will catch you next time.
Amanda Schulte 1:22:40
Thanks a lot. Bye.
Warsha Joshi 1:22:44
Thank you for joining us and for listening all the way through to get the show notes, the transcription and of course to subscribe, visit dare to scale.fm
Evan Le Clus 1:22:55
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